Vukasin Cobeljic says that the conversation with every child, every young person includes special education, learning about the interview, how questions are asked, in what way.
“It’s a base, it’s security, but in general we approach every child or adolescent as an individual, as a completely new world. What we try to pay attention to is not only verbal communication, but also non-verbal, as it is set, what mimicry is. “We try to follow the child’s needs, that is, to be in contact with the child all the time,” explains the psychologist of the clinic in Tirsova.
According to him, it is crucial to always introduce yourself to the child.
“We explain to the child that we are not doctors or technicians and that they do not expect examinations or interventions, but will talk to us and draw. The most important thing is to establish a relationship of trust. As we assess the child, so the child evaluates us,” Cobeljic points out.
A relationship of trust implies an equal relationship
The child’s attitude towards the psychologist depends on the age – how much the child can understand – but it is very important that the roles are clear.
“A relationship of trust implies an equal relationship. We do not set ourselves from the role of authority, someone who is strict and inviolable, but somewhere there is a very clear boundary and we try to be warm and understanding in a relationship. Only through trust can we get some important information, or the child will tell or show us “, emphasizes the child psychologist.
He adds that there are no rules after how long children talk about something unpleasant. Sometimes children need to present certain content as soon as possible, but that rarely happens in practice.
It is much more common that it takes some time to gain confidence that a child is certain that he or she will be protected in a given context.
The answer is much easier to come by playing and drawing
Sometimes the answer is much easier to come through a game that is much closer to younger children.
“It doesn’t have to be just a game, sometimes a child will draw something, show a drawing. We have cases in practice when verbal communication does not lead to the child’s opening at the very beginning, but the child can show a situation that may have been unpleasant. it is not in accordance with age, which implies some unpleasant scenes, it is a warning sign or a game that is stereotypical, which is repeated in the same way, these are all warning signs “, explains psychologist Vukasin Cobeljic.
When asked how much effort it is for a child to go through a traumatic experience once again and whether it is important to go through it and not suppress it, Cobeljic says that, as far as the profession is concerned, it is desirable for a child to work through some kind of trauma. it is important in what way, in relation to whom and in what context.
“It is very important that it be a protective context. On the other hand, there is the concept of retraumatization and it is what often happens in practice that when a child experiences a very unpleasant experience he goes through a large number of conversations usually with the person he entrusts, the police. psychologist, and that is something that can leave an unpleasant effect, but we try to be there for the child in any such situation. The ideal situation would be to have a team of experts who would once have a conversation through a relationship of trust related to violence, trauma, abuse. ” , believes the psychologist of the clinic in Tirsova.
The story of feelings should start from a young age
Cobeljic notes that from an early age, a child should be given the right to verbalize or show what it is that he does not like.
“Parents try to set boundaries, to learn what we can and can’t do, but we need to talk about feelings quite early. Children are close to cartoons and we should pay attention through the story of who got angry when, who was happy, who was sad and in this way the child will acquire knowledge on the one hand and on the other hand the parents are there to encourage it.When you notice a certain change that is big and dramatic in relation to the previous behavior or mood the child should draw attention to it in terms asking questions about whether something happened, whether it was uncomfortable for them “, says Čobeljić.
When they grow up, it is important to them what their peers say. The peer group, especially with puberty and adolescence, is becoming increasingly important.
“Acceptance in the group becomes crucial. Why not in relation to the parents – it is individual, there are different reasons. Sometimes adolescents are afraid that their parents will not understand them, sometimes they will be disappointed, sometimes an appropriate punishment will follow,” the psychologist points out.
According to him, the most important role of a parent would be to be there for the child, to be able to listen to him, to understand, to have empathy.
“We are all human beings. Sometimes we miss a moment, a signal regardless of whether it is verbal where the child clearly emphasizes that something bothers him and non-verbal where withdrawal occurs. There are different reasons, but parents should try to get into it as little as possible. The position of the profession is that any emphasis of negative thoughts on the part of the child should be taken seriously, “said Cobeljic.
He believes that when parents see a serious change in the child’s conversation – a change in mood that is unusual, the child is more aggressive, there are changes related to sleep, diet – parents should be open with the child and seek the help of a psychologist.
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